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Maybe I Need to Go Back on My Anxiety Meds

August 27, 2009

Yesterday I shared some info about some of my research on facebook, where Jim West saw it (he knows my secret identity, but he’s promised not to tell!).

This morning I noted that he said this on his blog:

The problem with young scholars is that they believe they’ve seen things no one else has ever noticed and observed things no one else has ever observed.  Thereby betraying their unfamiliarity with both the work of their forebears and the Solomonic truth that there is nothing new under the sun.

Their forgetfulness / hubris leads them to a tragic sense of self importance and a paralysis of humility.

I felt I had to leave this comment:

Crap. I just told Jim about some of my research the same day he made this post. But I didn’t think I was being arrogant. Hmm.

But Jim subsequently ignored it!

So this is me this afternoon: “Was he talking about me? Was I really arrogant and I didn’t know? I recognize my scholarly debts to those who came before me—all throughout my book!—but he wouldn’t know that cause he hasn’t read my book. And he’s not qualified to judge my area of expertise anyway, because I’m not in biblical studies, right?. But he is probably capable of judging arrogance. Why didn’t he respond? Why didn’t he say it wasn’t me he was talking about? That must mean it was me. Damn it. Is there something wrong with me?”

I cannot believe I let him (or any online strangers) have this power over me. Perhaps it’s time to go back into therapy.

FYI: Don’t go into academia if you have a thin skin, and especially not if you have a thin skin, self-doubt, and an overactive imagination.

I still love you Jim, even if it was me you were talking about!

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12 Comments leave one →
  1. Jim permalink
    August 27, 2009 4:21 pm

    i promise you, cross my heart and hope to die, i did NOT have you in mind at all when i posted that little snippet. it was provoked by someone else. no need to go back on your meds. if it had been miss marx, believe me, i would have said so!

    ;-)

  2. missivesfrommarx permalink*
    August 27, 2009 5:09 pm

    That’s good to know!

    Do you want to know what’s going through my mind now? “Aw, crap, I didn’t post that as an invitation for assurance from Jim, but that’s what it looks like, doesn’t it! Now I look like a wuss about twice over. Crap, this comment is going to sound like a disavowal of the obvious. Damn.”

    It sucks to be in my head! :)

  3. August 27, 2009 5:20 pm

    OMG I’m on anxiety meds! That would be *awesome* if you went back on ’em. We’d be like twins! What ones were you on? I’m on propranolol. The Scots invented them, you know, along with the cure for syph. Yeah they stop me going all Tony Soprano and shit…

  4. missivesfrommarx permalink*
    August 27, 2009 5:30 pm

    I was on Lexapro, but my doc weaned me off this summer. We’ll see if I make it through the beginning of the fall semester without wanting to kill myself. And I mean that literally.

  5. Alderson Warm-Fork permalink
    August 27, 2009 5:41 pm

    “FYI: Don’t go into academia if you have a thin skin, and especially not if you have a thin skin, self-doubt, and an overactive imagination.”

    Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit…

  6. August 27, 2009 6:14 pm

    Wait a minute, Miss Marx, if you have such an “overactive imagination”, how come you’re still an atheist? Gotcha!

  7. roland permalink
    August 27, 2009 9:02 pm

    Actually, I reckon Jim’s having the age-old whinge about young people. You know, they drink, smoke, fuck, tear around in bombs and bad-mouth their elders (and I’m talking about Roman complaints).

  8. missivesfrommarx permalink*
    August 28, 2009 10:14 am

    The next thing you know, those crazy kids will end up messing about on the interwebs.

  9. Jim permalink
    August 28, 2009 1:16 pm

    or worse, not cleaning up after themselves!

  10. Vidya permalink
    August 28, 2009 1:24 pm

    I certainly depend on my bottle of Bach’s Rescue Remedy to get my through the days that I teach. Doesn’t academia ever get less terrifying?

  11. missivesfrommarx permalink*
    August 28, 2009 1:28 pm

    I think people just get better at hiding it. But maybe that is just me projecting?

  12. bradcorban permalink
    August 28, 2009 3:30 pm

    I wouldn’t be able to put up with some of my fellow seminarians without regular pastoral counseling….. I assume it must be the same with religious studies students.

    Thankfully, my therapist has an M.Div. degree and counsels other seminarians. So she knows how crazy they/we are.

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