Maybe I Need to Go Back on My Anxiety Meds
Yesterday I shared some info about some of my research on facebook, where Jim West saw it (he knows my secret identity, but he’s promised not to tell!).
This morning I noted that he said this on his blog:
The problem with young scholars is that they believe they’ve seen things no one else has ever noticed and observed things no one else has ever observed. Thereby betraying their unfamiliarity with both the work of their forebears and the Solomonic truth that there is nothing new under the sun.
Their forgetfulness / hubris leads them to a tragic sense of self importance and a paralysis of humility.
I felt I had to leave this comment:
Crap. I just told Jim about some of my research the same day he made this post. But I didn’t think I was being arrogant. Hmm.
But Jim subsequently ignored it!
So this is me this afternoon: “Was he talking about me? Was I really arrogant and I didn’t know? I recognize my scholarly debts to those who came before me—all throughout my book!—but he wouldn’t know that cause he hasn’t read my book. And he’s not qualified to judge my area of expertise anyway, because I’m not in biblical studies, right?. But he is probably capable of judging arrogance. Why didn’t he respond? Why didn’t he say it wasn’t me he was talking about? That must mean it was me. Damn it. Is there something wrong with me?”
I cannot believe I let him (or any online strangers) have this power over me. Perhaps it’s time to go back into therapy.
FYI: Don’t go into academia if you have a thin skin, and especially not if you have a thin skin, self-doubt, and an overactive imagination.
I still love you Jim, even if it was me you were talking about!